People process and deal with grief and loss in different ways and Debra Parson is eating her mother Doreen for Christmas this year – by scattering her ashes on the turkey and sprinkling some on the pudding too.
The 41-year-old revealed to Mirror.uk that she has felt strong urges to eat her mother's last remains ever since she died back in May, and gave in to those urges by having spoonful on most days, to feel "as close as possible" to her. Trust the festive season to only strengthen those urges!
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"It is the only thing that will get me through my first Christmas without mum," said Debra. "People might think I'm mad or that it's not a very respectful thing to do but I just can't stop myself. I see it as a positive thing – allowing her to be close to me and also involving her in the family day."
Doreen Brown had died from a sudden airway obstruction after suffering a chest infection, which was only a second tragedy to the mother of two, Debra, who had also lost a son owing to premature birth back in Christmas, 1996.
The struggle with grief has been a constant for Debra, a Folkstone, Kent native, ever since, but it reached new levels after her mother passed away.
But now, owing to the "bond" they shared, Debra said: "I feel like she can live on by being inside of me because if she is part of me she can breathe through my body. My breath is her breath."
"It will be my first Christmas without her and I want her to be involved and this is the only way that feels right to me."
But the idea wasn't always on the cards for Debra. Even two months after Doreen's passing, when one of Debra's siblings delivered her share of the ashes to her home, she claims she had 'kept them in a plastic sandwich bag'.
"I wanted to be with them all the time so I had them by my bed or with me around the house. Then I got a little box for them so I could have them on display but no matter what I did I just couldn't get that feeling of closeness."
But one day, when she was missing her mother beyond limits, the idea occurred to her. "I don't know what made me do it the first time – it was just an urge. I can't describe it. I opened the box and licked my fingers and just dipped them into the powder.
"Before I knew what I was doing they were in my mouth and the chalky, salty taste was comforting. I felt confused by what I had done to begin with but the feeling of comfort and closeness it brought was the first bit of solace I'd had since her death."
But as Christmas keeps nearing, her urges keep getting stronger, and as she revealed: "I have been having a little taste most days – sometimes on my finger or on a little spoon.
"[...] But I don't want to just eat the ashes on my fingers – I'd like my mum to be a part of the celebration this year so I will have her with my Christmas dinner.
Debra also explained herself further, saying, "We will have a place laid for her and a picture of her on the table so she can be with us on the very special day."
With the full support of her boyfriend, Debra added, "I am lucky that my loved ones understand what I am doing. I know my mum would have been happy for me to do whatever I needed to get over no longer having her in my life."
